Broken
by Whovian890
Summary: John's world is turned upside down when Mary and his unborn child die in a car crash. Grieving and in need of comfort, John returns to 221b but has a hard time moving on.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey everyone. So this my first fanfic ever and I hope you all like it. It takes place in between The Sign of Three and His Last Vow and its sort of Johnlock. Anyways enjoy.**

**Broken**

Chapter One

Heart Broken, devastated, horrified. No… there were no words to describe how John was felling. Just thinking about it made John want to break down and cry. Mary and his unborn child were dead. It was a car accident in which a drunk driver had hit Mary's car and completely wrecked it. John was getting groceries when he got the call.

Between the mad rush to the hospital and the news of Mary needing immediate surgery, John had never been more afraid for another humans life. John sat in the blue waiting room chairs as he watched the doctors take his wife through swinging doors. On a normal day the hospital was like a second home, but today he could smell the disinfectant and it made him nauseous.

John nervously ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed over his face. He waited for what felt like years but when the doctors emerged from the swinging doors that swallowed his wife, it was all a blur. It felt unreal as the doctor delivered the devastating news. It felt like he had cotton stuffed in his ears, but words floated past the shock. words like

"damage too great"

"could not be fixed"

"did not survive"

"I'm so sorry for your loss"

In that moment John felt sick and he could not spend another moment in the hospital. He had to keep himself from sprinting out the door. When he reached outside he realized he had been holding his breath and he exhaled deeply.

John didn't think he could handle going home to an empty apartment now that he knew Mary would never walk through the door again. So he walked around the city for hours until he found himself upon the doorstep of 221 Baker Street.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Sherlock was upstairs when he heard the desperate knocking on the door downstairs. He continued to lay flat on the couch as he heard Mrs. Hudson open the door to the mess of a person who was John. Sherlock pulled his hands up until his fingertips brushed his chin.

He heard John stumble in and politely refuse the tea Mrs. Hudson offered to make. He closed his eyes as he heard John walking slowly up the stairs, hesitating at the door, and drawing a deep breath to gather himself before coming in. Sherlock didn't move as he heard the door creak open.

John pushed the door open to find the familiar and comforting sight of 221b. As he looked around the room he noticed Sherlock lying flat on the sofa with his eyes closed, as he did when in deep concentration. John turned and quietly shut the door behind him and walked over to his armchair, to which he sunk into. John realized this is what he needed.

He needed to sit in a familiar place, just to sit and think in silence. And silence is what he got, for nobody moved for nearly two hours. All was quiet until Mrs. Hudson popped their perfect bubble when she came upstairs to drop off tea for Sherlock.

As soon as the door clicked open everything had unfrozen and the perfect silence was gone. John stiffened and realized,

_I'm going to have to tell Sherlock what I'm doing here… I'm going to have to tell him what happened to Mary..._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Sherlock sat up on the couch a looks towards John who was sitting in his armchair, in the same position since he arrived. John's eyes looked everywhere but at Sherlock, as if John was trying to avoid his gaze. It was Sherlock who broke the silence.

"John" he said carefully "What are you doing here?" John looked incredibly fragile, like glass with slender cracks, if touched the wrong way would shatter. John turned slowly to meet Sherlock's gaze and once he opened his mouth, everything came tumbling out. As John explained everything that had happened, Sherlock sat patiently and listened.

When John had finished there was a moment of silence in which Sherlock then said "John... You are welcome to stay here at 221b... Well into you feel ready to go back to your apartment." There was a ghost of a smile on John space. A hint of pre-Mary John. Sherlock swelled with pleasure when John accepted.

Sherlock really was glad John was coming back to 221b. Truth be told he was getting lonely I miss having John around. He didn't have anything to distract him from boredom and John was a great distraction. John was like his drug and he was addicted. Now that he had a taste, he wasn't ready to give it up again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The week past in almost complete silence. John talked little to none. For hours he would stare off, sitting completely still. Sherlock was concerned, he hated seeing his friend in pain, he hated hearing John crying at night when he thought Sherlock could hear him. He wanted to help, but he also wanted to give John space to grieve.

When he tried to help his friend, John would push him away saying he was fine or try to hide the fact that he had been crying. This went on for months until John came home extremely late one night. Much later than he would have one coming home from work. Sherlock was in the kitchen when he heard the front door click open and John shuffle into the apartment.

He looked into the living room to see John sitting on the sofa, his face buried in his hands. Sherlock stopped his newest experiment and took off his goggles. He moved towards the couch when he realized John was shaking slightly from crying. Sherlock hesitated before sitting on the couch next to John. He could see the cracks spreading across the glass, and Sherlock knew he had to be incredibly delicate.

He reached his arms around John to hug him, as another attempt to comfort. Instead of pulling away like usual, John leaned in and let himself be embraced. Sherlock could feel his shirt wetting from John's tears, but he found he didn't care. They sat like that for sometime. Sherlock's arms wrapped around John, holding them together, and trying to keep him from falling apart.

Sherlock was truly miserable for his friend. When John's crying came to an end, Sherlock reached down and pulled John's chin until his face was angled up towards Sherlocks. He looked into John's tear stained, chocolate brown eyes. He looks so helpless and miserable, like a lost puppy. His heart clenched and without thinking he leaned in and kissed John gently on the lips.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

John sat stock still, rigid, and shocked. It took him a second for the gears to click back into place. _Sherlock kissed me... Sherlock KISSED ME!_ He looked up at Sherlock who was probably looking for some kind of reaction. John didn't know how to respond other than with the one overwhelming emotion of disgust.

John stood up quite quickly and pushed Sherlock away from him

"Sherlock you... YOU KISSED ME! What... WHY?! How could you?" John voice broke "I... I needed someone and... I can't deal with this right now." John's voice that had been slowly rising to a yell, suddenly dropped flat and dangerously calm "I'm leaving... I'm not... I can't live here anymore."

John stopped and looked at Sherlock who was opening and closing his mouth, as if trying to get words out but couldn't quite accomplish that. He vaguely resembled fish. For once Sherlock was at a loss for words. John was furious. "Goodbye Sherlock" John said curtly and walked towards the door without looking back.

"Don't go" Sherlock pleaded at the door slammed shut. And then the quiet whisper of "I'm sorry John."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Weeks of nothing. Weeks sitting and waiting, staring and hoping. Hoping that John would once again walk through the door. Hours upon hours of staring at a closed door. He could tell Mrs. Hudson was worried about him. She would come upstairs more frequently than she usually would. She would keep finding any reason to come up and check on him.

She was probably checking to see if he was still alive. He was grateful that someone cared, but all he wanted was to be alone. _If I hadn't a kissed John, he would still be here instead of who knows where._ Sherlock move from the couch, which was where he had been sitting all day to stand in front of a wall. He began knocking his head against the wall. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

When Sherlock stopped, the knocking didn't. Someone was hammering on the door. Sherlock didn't make any effort to get it once he realized it was Lestrade.

"Sherlock! I know you're in there" he was shouting "You haven't answered my text or taking any cases for weeks! What's going on?!" It was easy to block the shouting out and ignore the pounding. After while Lestrade must have given up and left, because the silence returned. But so did the boredom and the pain. Sherlock desperately needed a distraction from his own mind. It kept Wandering back to John and that was one thing he did not want to think about.

He got up and went to his bedroom. He went directly to his dresser and opened his sock drawer. He rummaged through for a few seconds until he found what he was looking for. He walked back into the kitchen and found a box of matches. He struck the match against the box and was shaking fingers lit the cigarette, slowly raising it to his lips.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter seven

Sherlock was sitting in his chair with his eyes closed and a cigarette between his fingers, when he heard the door being pushed open and then violent coughing. It wasn't surprising that Mrs. Hudson was coughing. Anyone would cough if they had to enter 221B and walk through the cloud of smoke that hung to the air.

He was up to a pack a day now, and every day everything smelled a little less like John and a little more like smoke. But it wasn't surprising that Mrs. Hudson coughed. It was however surprising that Mycroft entered after her. Surely knew his new smoking habit wouldn't go unnoticed and he wondered when his dear brother would come to set him straight, he just didn't expect him so soon.

Mycroft usually let dangerous interests run their course till he lost interest and stopped, but this was different. Was the great Mycroft Holmes actually worried about his little brother? Sherlock raised the cigarette to his mouth, breathed in and exhaled deeply, spewing the smoke out of his mouth then said

"Brother mine, too what do I owe the pleasure?" Mycroft rolled his eyes and responded

"You know exactly why I'm here Sherlock "he looked at the cigarette and back at Sherlock "I heard you picked up some of your old bad habits."

Sherlock rolled his Head back and said "undoubtedly you heard from Mrs. Hudson" he took another drag as Mycroft responded

"It doesn't matter who I heard it from. What matters is you need to stop this instant."

"You can't tell me what you Mycroft. I will do what ever I please and pleases me right now is smoking, so don't try and stop me" Mycroft stiffened and said

"Sherlock you can't just do whatever you want just because John lef-"

"Don't you dare talk about John "Sherlock hissed

"Fine Sherlock! Go ahead and do whatever you please. Throw your life away. I've tried to help you, but I'm not going to sit and watch you give up."

"I don't need your help and I never have!" Sherlock shouted. Mycroft walk to the door without another word and slammed it behind him. Sherlock sat still in his chair and put the cigarette back in his mouth.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Sherlock knew very well what depression was. He knew very well how it affected people. So he knew he wasn't depressed when Mrs. Hudson strongly implied it. She had earlier to drop off food for him and entered with her usual coughing. He was lounging on the sofa in his robe smoking yet on another cigarette.

"Sherlock darling" she started as she put the truth food on the table "Can't you go outside to smoke? It's getting rather unbearable in here."

Sherlock rolled his head to look at her and said dryly "It's going to rain soon"

"Well" Mrs. Hudson said as she put her hands on her hips "Going outside will do you good. I never see you out and about anymore. All you do all day is sit in this apartment, lounging in your nightclothes. You don't even get dressed. You just sit here smoking your life away and being moody. And don't think I don't know what you're doing. Sitting here all day staring at the door, looking excited for a second when the door opens and then you realize it's me coming into make sure you're still alive. You are waiting for John to come back. And Sherlock I'm sorry I'm the one to break it to you but, from the looks of it I don't think John is ever coming back. So you need to snap out of this great big sulk you've got going and get on with your life."

Mrs. Hudson felt proud of herself that she finally told Sherlock the truth, but pride turned to guilt when she saw the look on Sherlock's face

"John isn't coming back" he said in a strangled voice

"No honey" Mrs. Hudson said hurriedly "He probably needs to think something's over, he'll be back" Sherlock could tell she was trying to reverse what she said because now she felt bad. "Oh Sherlock, I'm sorry I didn't mean those things."

Sherlock jumped off the couch "No, no it's fine" he said hurriedly "I needed to hear it" Sherlock steered Mrs. Hudson towards the door and all that pushed her out. He closed the door and with his back against it sank down and sat. Sherlock now realized with a clear mind that Mrs. Hudson was right and John was never coming back.


End file.
